Bros Before Ho-

tties!

(yes, the hyphen should go between the two letters t, but then the joke wouldn't work, okay?)

...but only by a couple of days! i owe the latest round of thanks to the senator, fuzz, and nelms... (again), and to becques and jules baby. the army scout with whom i pass (this term is relative) the time just left my office to send some "hate mail," inspired entirely by my presence of three weeks and the proportionally inverse amount of essence of kitten i've been receiving. i might not know much, but i apparently know how to choose friends. thank you all, so very much!

first to address the boys' package:
so now that i have the most basic requirements for the makings of a frisbee golf course on the grounds, i suppose i ought to get started... off the humvee, over the rusted-out surface-to-air missle carcass, nothing but mortar crater! oh, and is there any irony in tossing a pigskin over here? what happens if i accidentally hit a local national with it?
i love the moleskin notebook, but guys, i think you're under the misguided impression that i can read music, which is laughable. you do realize i completely faked my way through chorus, right? sh! don't tell mr. "damn hamburgers"...
it's also encouraging to see that your thieving skills are in peak shape. i pull that menu out of the box, and my scout friend says, "oh! i've been there!" thanks for reminding me that beer exists, by the way. very helpful. you did notice that i completely ignored st. patrick's day, right? /sigh

now to the lovely ladies':
my boyish enthusiasm thanks you for the baseball, so we "no longer have to use a rock." it really is perfect! my good sense, on the other hand, is less inclined to be thankful, and is already contacting a disability lawyer.
the disc that opens with john williams' star wars theme, and transitions immediately into the talking heads is brilliant! how DID i get here? an absolutely remarkable eclec-ollection, but i must enquire: why would the selection from rent be the only song i would listen to repeatedly when you managed to pick some of my favourties?! i mean, rainbow connection... which one of you knew that? as for my belovéd britney, yeah, whiskey tango foxtrot happened there? toxic, indeed.

oh, and the divinyls recorded i touch myself... and yes, i knew that offhand.

as for the saucy photo contest... i think the ladies are ahead there, rehan. please consider that statement a challenge. please.

so, here i am, the lone navy elltee, passing out easter eggs, rubber balls, and sarcasm. why is it that half the time when i show up to a new command, i feel like they don't rightly know what to do with me?